What Is Grief?
Grief is the natural response to loss — most commonly the death of someone we love, but also to other significant losses: the end of a relationship, loss of a pregnancy, the death of a pet, losing a job, or any major life change that involves losing something or someone important.
Grief is not a disorder or a sign of weakness. It is the emotional price of love and connection. It is a deeply human process, and it looks different for every person.
What Grief Can Feel Like
There is no single "right way" to grieve. People experience grief differently and at different intensities. Common feelings include:
Emotional: Sadness, yearning, longing, numbness, shock, disbelief, anger, guilt, relief (especially after a long illness), anxiety, loneliness
Physical: Fatigue, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, a physical ache in the chest, headaches, weakened immune function
Cognitive: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, confusion, preoccupation with the person who died, disbelief
Behavioural: Withdrawing from others, crying, searching for or "seeing" the person who died, restlessness
Some people feel very little initially — this is not evidence of not caring. Shock and numbness can delay the full weight of grief.
Models of Grief
Various models attempt to describe the grieving process. The most well-known — Kübler-Ross's five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) — has been misunderstood as a sequential checklist. In reality, grief is not linear. People move in and out of different feelings, return to previous states, and may skip stages entirely.
More recent models describe grief as a process of oscillating between:
- Loss orientation — processing the pain of the loss itself
- Restoration orientation — adapting to life without the person and building a new way of living
Both are necessary parts of healthy grieving.
Grief After Different Types of Loss
Sudden or traumatic death
When death is sudden, unexpected, or violent — accident, suicide, homicide, heart attack — grief is often more intense and may be complicated by shock and trauma. PTSD symptoms can develop alongside grief.
Suicide loss
Grief after a suicide is often accompanied by particularly intense guilt, confusion, anger, and stigma. Specialist support is available for those bereaved by suicide.
Pregnancy loss
Miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of a baby are profound bereavements that are often underacknowledged by society. Parents deserve real support and space to grieve.
Anticipatory grief
When someone is dying over a longer period (illness), grief can begin before the death itself. This is real grief, and it can be exhausting.
Complicated Grief
Most people move through grief gradually, though it may take months or years. However, some experience "complicated" or "prolonged" grief — where grief remains intense and debilitating for an extended period, significantly interfering with functioning.
Signs of complicated grief include:
- Intense longing that does not diminish over time
- Difficulty accepting the death
- Bitterness or anger about the loss that persists
- Inability to engage in positive activities or relationships
- Feeling that life is meaningless without the deceased
- Continued difficulty functioning 12+ months after the loss
Complicated grief is not a failure to move on. It is a specific condition that responds well to specialised therapy.
How to Cope With Grief
Allow yourself to grieve
There is no timetable for grief. Allow yourself to feel what you feel — crying, talking about the person, feeling sad — without rushing to "get over it." Suppressing grief typically prolongs it.
Stay connected
While the urge to withdraw is strong, isolation tends to deepen pain. Let people in — whether that means accepting practical help or having someone sit with you in silence.
Take care of your body
Grief is physically demanding. Eat regularly, rest when you can, limit alcohol (which is a depressant and can complicate grief), and try to maintain some physical activity.
Talk about the person
Sharing memories and speaking about the person who died helps keep their presence alive in a healthy way. Many bereaved people find great comfort in being allowed to talk about their loved one.
Let grief be non-linear
Grief comes in waves. Good days do not mean you have "gotten over it." Bad days after a period of feeling better do not mean you are back to square one. This is normal.
Mark the person's life
Rituals — funerals, memorials, anniversaries, visiting significant places — all help to process loss and create space for communal grieving.
Seek support when you need it
Bereavement support groups, counselling, and therapy can all help. There is no need to grieve alone.
When to Get Professional Help
Consider reaching out if:
- Grief is preventing you from functioning for an extended period
- You are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety
- You are using alcohol or substances to cope
- You are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide
- You have lost someone to suicide and are struggling with the complexity of this
Seeds of New Beginnings offers compassionate counselling for those who are grieving. You do not have to go through this alone.
If you are in crisis, call 988 or 911.