Your Role as a Parent or Carer
Parents and carers play a central role in children's mental health — both as a protective factor and as the people most likely to notice when something is wrong. A warm, secure relationship with a caring adult is one of the most powerful buffers against mental health difficulties in childhood.
This does not mean you need to be a perfect parent. It means being present, being consistent, and being willing to talk and listen.
This guide offers practical advice for supporting a child's emotional wellbeing at different ages, recognising when professional support is needed, and taking care of yourself in the process.
Building a Foundation for Emotional Wellbeing
Children's mental health is shaped by many factors — some within a parent's influence, some not. What you can do:
Create emotional safety
Children need to know they can bring difficult feelings to you without being dismissed, punished, or made to feel they are a burden. This means:
- Listening without immediately trying to fix or minimise
- Naming emotions: "It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated right now"
- Validating feelings before moving to problem-solving
- Staying calm in the face of their emotions (this is hard, but modelling emotional regulation is one of the most powerful things you can do)
Maintain routines
Children — and especially children with anxiety — thrive on predictability. Regular meal times, bedtimes, and family routines create a sense of safety and stability.
Model healthy coping
Children learn by watching. If you talk about your own emotions appropriately ("I'm feeling a bit stressed today, so I'm going to take a walk to clear my head"), you normalise emotional awareness and healthy coping.
Make time for connection
Dedicated, undivided attention — even 15–20 minutes a day where you follow the child's lead in play or conversation — is profoundly protective for children's mental health. Quality of connection matters more than quantity of time.
Limit unhelpful comparisons
Avoid comparing children to siblings, peers, or a past version of themselves. Children internalise these comparisons and they can fuel shame and anxiety.
Talking to Children About Mental Health
Start young
Use everyday language about feelings from an early age. Name emotions in books, in TV characters, in yourself: "That character looks really sad. How do you think they're feeling?"
Be curious, not interrogating
"How was your day?" rarely gets much. Try: "What was the best part of your day? Was there anything hard?"
Ask directly about worries
Children often need permission to talk about difficult feelings. Ask directly: "Some children worry about [X] — do you ever feel like that?"
Avoid problem-solving too quickly
The urge to reassure ("Don't worry, it'll be fine!") or fix ("What you need to do is...") can shut down conversation before a child has felt heard. Listen first. Validate. Then, if appropriate, problem-solve together.
For teenagers
Adolescents often resist direct conversations. Try:
- Talking side by side (in the car, on a walk) rather than face to face
- Sharing your own experiences (appropriately) to normalise struggle
- Asking about friends ("Are any of your friends going through a hard time?") as a less threatening entry point
- Being available without being intrusive
- Respecting their growing need for privacy while staying connected
Specific Challenges
Anxiety in children
Anxiety is normal. What matters is whether it is disproportionate or persistently preventing a child from doing things they want or need to do (school, friendships, activities).
What helps:
- Acknowledge the feeling without reinforcing avoidance: "I know you're worried. It makes sense you feel that way. And I know you can do this."
- Gradual, supported exposure to feared situations — avoidance makes anxiety worse over time
- Avoid over-reassurance — it provides temporary relief but keeps anxiety in place
- Predictable routines and advance notice of changes
- Model calm confidence: your own anxiety about a child's anxiety is contagious
When to seek help: If anxiety significantly interferes with school attendance, friendships, or daily activities.
Bereavement
Children grieve differently from adults. Their grief may come in bursts rather than continuous waves, and they may seem to "recover" quickly only to re-engage with grief later.
What helps:
- Be honest in age-appropriate language about what has happened (avoid euphemisms like "gone to sleep")
- Let children ask questions and ask the same question many times
- Include them in rituals and grieving if they want to be included
- Maintain routines
- Allow different expressions of grief — some children talk; others draw, act out, or become quieter
When to seek help: If grief significantly persists and impairs functioning after several months, or if a child is expressing suicidal thoughts.
Anger and behaviour problems
Children who present with anger, aggression, or oppositional behaviour are often experiencing underlying distress (anxiety, depression, trauma, or unmet needs). Punishment alone rarely works and often makes things worse.
What helps:
- Try to understand what is underneath the behaviour
- Use consistent, warm, and firm responses — not harsh punishment
- Reduce the temperature of interactions — stay calm
- Reconnect after conflict, rather than adding to emotional distance
- Seek professional support — family therapy can be transformative
School difficulties
When a child's school performance drops suddenly, or they begin refusing school, this is usually a sign of significant distress. Common causes include bullying, social difficulties, academic anxiety, depression, ADHD, or learning difficulties.
Speak to the school. A collaborative approach between home and school is usually more effective than either acting alone.
When to Seek Professional Help
The following signs suggest professional support is needed:
- Persistent change in mood, behaviour, or personality lasting more than a few weeks
- Significant deterioration in school performance or attendance
- Withdrawal from friendships or activities they previously enjoyed
- Sleep or eating problems
- Persistent physical complaints (stomach aches, headaches) with no clear medical cause
- Self-harm or any talk of wanting to die
- Use of alcohol or drugs
- Significant anxiety preventing normal daily activities
- Behaviour that puts the child or others at risk
Where to start:
- The child's doctor — can assess and refer
- The school counsellor or SENCO — for school-related difficulties
- Community mental health services — ask your doctor for a referral
- Seeds of New Beginnings — we offer counselling for children and adolescents and can advise on the most appropriate pathway for your situation
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting a child with mental health difficulties is demanding. Parents often experience guilt, anxiety, helplessness, and exhaustion.
You matter too. Seek support for yourself — a counsellor, support group, or trusted friend. A regulated, supported parent is better able to support a regulated child. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
If your child is in crisis or you are worried about their safety, call 988 or 911 immediately.